What if I (didn’t) push myself everyday?

I walked half-a-mile today. Seriously.

The last time I journaled on this subject, I’d walked 1.1 miles, and it was hard, but doable. And I was all geared up to push myself everyday. So what happened?

Does it really matter what the details were? I think in a way it does matter. The details are not extraordinary. Soooo not! There was no big thing that derailed me – just normal life got in the way – and isn’t that what I’m trying to change? Change the way I live, and in the process change my life?

So I need to look at all the messy reasons and not-so-extraordinary details. And since this part of my blog is hidden, I don’t have to worry about becoming one of those people who drone on and on about how they’re going to do something, and yet never seem to get down to doing it. If I’m honest, I might actually be one of those people, but because this part of my blog is hidden, I don’t have to worry about anyone else finding out! I figure if you’re reading this, you love me enough to have poked around and found this post, and if so, I can live with you knowing that I’m struggling a little at moving beyond talking, into actually doing.

Pink Rose // Photo: Cheryl SpeltsOkay, so for the reasons… The last time I posted was after walking 1.1 miles, and that was also, not-so-coincidentally, the last time I walked. That same afternoon I stepped on a thorn that pierced my shoe and went into the ball of my foot. It hurt that night, and hurt worse the next day, so I decided not to walk – and that lasted for about three days. Then I got the flu, and I just could not get myself to get out there and walk, even once the worst had passed. Then we got the mega-storm that flooded the streets – and no way was I going to go out walking in that – especially since I hadn’t walked in over a week – what was one or two more days? Then it was Christmas, and once again, if I’ve taken this long off from walking, what’s another couple of days?

Finally yesterday I had had enough – I needed to walk. Yes it was cold, yes it gets dark really early this time of year, but I knew I needed it – so I walked a quarter-of-a-mile. That was all I could do. It had been 19 days since I last walked, and the flu really got to me, so yeah, a whole quarter-of-a-mile.

But today I did half-a-mile, and today it was not only cold, it was also raining, and the wind is whipping like mad. And half-a-mile is twice as far as I went yesterday. So I’m good!

Nineteen days ago I wrote about how remarkable the human body is – how if you push it a little, it responds so beautifully, and you get stronger and stronger, and can go further and further. I really do believe that. Hey, I went twice as far today as I did yesterday, so I got proof! I have no doubts about my body, it’s strong and healthy and will get stronger.

Where I do have doubts is with my motivation – and that’s hard for me to admit. I was at a workshop a couple of months ago, and someone who didn’t know me very well was listening to me ramble on about some aspect of my life, and she said, “so you lack motivation?” and I was soooo quick to rebut that! I’m ambitious, I accomplish things, I’ve done lots of things I’m proud of. I work hard, really hard. But she kept at it, and she twisted my words around, and she made me see that no matter how much I believed it wasn’t accurate, it might be just a little bit true. I’m still turning that one over in my head, two months later, so it’s not fun to see it crop up in other areas – like in my commitment to walk more.

And now see? I’ve been droning on and on about this for way too many paragraphs, becoming one of those people… Forgive me?

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